Littles Eyes in God’s View

That woman who boldly wears the armor of Christ.  Who might not even realize it.  The woman who is the strongest I know.  Your mother might be this in your eyes too.  What a blessing!

I see you in all of God’s glory, Mama.

As I watched my mother and brother dance at his wedding to “Humble & Kind”, the emotions were real.  I was overwhelmed with how incredible my mother truly is.  The lyrics in that song are so fitting for her.

My big brother loves that woman so stinkin’ much too and it is clear as day that he is beyond grateful for all that she has done and continues to do for us both.

She is still always just a phone call away and is always willing for an impromptu visit or morning at the park.

Who doesn’t want their kids to write such truthful, loving words about them 27 years later? 

Let’s talk about some ways that we can make a positive impression on our kids like what my mama did for me as a child, which can create a beautiful lifelong relationship.

We have to be intentional in our words, actions, and thoughts towards our littles to make that impression on them.

Picture a warrior.  Fierce, strong, determined.  Motivated, focused.

Mama.  Mama Bear. 

A child may not understand the reasoning behind the choices that their mama makes.  Or understand why they were disciplined for actions they took. 

Let’s help them understand WHY we do what we do.  I believe that explaining the reasoning why something is wrong helps them to understand. 

Since becoming a mom myself, I have told my Mother on countless occasions that I finally understand why she did what she did… from disciplining, to huge life choices. 

I GET IT. 

I am able to look back and see clear as day WHY. 

We laughed the other day because I told her that I hope it doesn’t take 20+ years of stubbornness for my girl for them to finally get it.  I’d be all right with it if it didn’t take them as long.  Haha!

There were a lot of growing pains for all of us.  (HELLO teenage girl).

Likely in your story, too.  That’s just part of life. 

However, she was extremely intentional in all that she did to stay focused on creating a wonderful life for my brother and myself.  This woman is the most selfless that I know. 

She went through hell.  But pushed and pulled through.  With all her might.  I am not naive to how fierce my Mama truly is.  Gentle, but fierce.  I still see her as that quiet spirit, yet such a fierce warrior.

Through Their Eyes

Isn’t it neat that our children really do see the good in us even when we feel so depleted and unworthy?  I know that my mama felt the burden of going to school, raising two kids, making sure we had food on the table every night, being present with us, etc.  But I saw (and still do see) her as a superhero.  My superhero. 

Two nights ago I was feeling drained from an emotional week and just wasn’t myself.  I felt as though I was inadequate in some departments of this motherhood thing and if we are being honest, just BLAH. 

I was on the phone with my husband when my girls came out of the other room and gave me some cards.  Our three year old colored on one side and had our six year old write “I love you” on the other side, while big sis drew a picture of me and wrote “I love you so much.” 

Children can be so dang refreshing.  Gotta love their sweet, tender hearts. 

On Mother’s Day at our church they made a video of moms saying the part they don’t feel good enough at in their duties, or what they assume their kids think about them. 

Then the kids were able to share what they love about their mamas.

I’m not always a crying lady, but my golly the tears were flowing. 

You guys… the answers were SO pure. 

The things that the mothers saw as a flaw, the children saw as their greatest strengths.

Maybe we should take a look at ourselves through the eyes of our babies.  I believe it would be similar to what God sees. 

Read that part again.  Meditate on it for a moment.  Seriously. 

Let Love In

My parents got divorced when we were at a very young age.  Every other weekend and every Wednesday we saw dad.  We didn’t know much different.

When we became old enough we decided not to spend as much time over there.

I am not going to bash on my dad here, but he just was not the father figure that we craved. 

I struggled with that for years.  And years.  Wanting him to just be there, to be able to be a “Daddy’s girl”, to learn how to work on cars, go on Daddy-daughter dates, teach me how to hunt, etc. 

But he just was unable to fulfill that role as he chose substances over us.

When I was in elementary school my mother met a wonderful man who was willing to step into our family and he sure did seem to make mom really happy.

I believe now that he is truly a warrior too.  He loved me through me pushing him away.  Like I pushed hard. 

Years passed and in my middle school brain, he was “trying to replace my dad.”  (he wasn’t trying to replace anyone, but rather was just wanting to be present for us and be a father figure if we would allow him to) 

Being a girl who so badly craved that Father-Daughter relationship didn’t want to let anyone in.

Ya’ll, I was a punk towards him.  I didn’t feel he needed to be respected.  I was a butthead.  Not proud of that one bit. 

But I am so glad that he stuck by my mother’s side through me being a turd.  He is an amazing man, who loves hard and we have a great relationship now.  He is a wonderful Papa to our girls, and a great father to me.

For that I am beyond grateful.

You are an irreplaceable step mama for them too!

I know it wasn’t easy for mom for a lot of years, but my step-dad has helped bring her through and they have an incredible life now because of it. 

There is a light.  And not just at the end of the tunnel, but rather at the beginning of an incredible journey. 

Persistence is Key

Maybe your stepchild is not instinctively warming up to you, like me towards my step dad.  I do have something for that…

Give it time.  Be persistent.  Keep on loving them hard.

Do your best to help them to understand that you are not there to replace anyone in their life.   Remind them that you are there as another asset to them instead. 

It is a fine line of finding the balance of disciplining stepchildren until everyone’s role is figured out and understood. 

Honestly for a while, I didn’t want to discipline my stepdaughter because I didn’t want her to dislike me, so I would lean on my husband for it.

We knew that was not an option for success, therefore we eased into it.  Now we discipline equally and she knows to respect us both. 

As I got older I had an AHA moment about how I viewed my stepdad.  I hope and pray it doesn’t take your littles as long as it did me.  (Even if they’re stubborn like I am, don’t give up on ‘em!!  They will come around.) 

But that realization that changed my perspective big time was when I thought to myself, “Why am I so angry and so against someone else who is (and has been) willing to love me?”

If your stepchild has any resentment toward you for whatever the reason may be, I pray that they have this realization sooner than later too.

Ever since that moment it has been so much simpler for us.  It wasn’t fair to release my anger towards my father on him.  But he didn’t give up.  He was persistent and we love him for that.

This showed me the importance of persistence as a parent and stepparent as well.  We all know that parenting is hard.  We also know that when stepchildren are involved it becomes even more difficult as there is so much that comes with the territory. 

However, it is so worth it.  Keep pushing through the crap. 

It was worth it in my own journey of being a stepdaughter and I know it to be true as a step mama, too. 

I do have to choose every day to love her fiercely as my own.  I have to choose every day to be graceful towards her and stay persistent with it.

We have been given that choice to love on them and quite frankly, we might as well do the best dang job that we can.  As a Step Mama and Mama.

Let’s Put Some Icing on that Cake. 

I can’t help but have “Mama’s Song” by Carrie Underwood on repeat in my head.  Go ahead and listen to it.  And let yourself cry.  Then cry some more.

Call your Mama, tell her you Love her.  

Then remember that YOU are a stellar (Step) Mama and that your babes see you through the lens of God.

XO,
Bri